2.25.2014

Conversation #199: It's in the bag

So I don't want this blog to solely be all about baby, but let's be honest, that is pretty much my life right now (unless you want to hear about the super exciting and glamorous life of a city transportation engineer...yeah I heard the that pin drop, too).

Anyway, I will still try to share at least about other things in my life than just inundate you with amazing pictures of my adorable son:
Yeah, that's him exploring the ever popular metal mixing bowl :)

Okay, was it really so bad that I subjected you to a cute picture of baby?

Now onto the meat of this post...baby bags.  Some of you may know and/or remember that I have a weakness for purses.  I have had since probably the day I was born.  My grandparents used to take us Easter dress shopping every year when we were little, and I can remember two years in particular all I wanted was a purse.  I also remember a shopping trip to a mall in Oklahoma City (because that was big time shopping back in the day for me) when I spotted a bag across the way that I just had to have.  The funny part - I was probably 8/9/10 and this was a total "mom" bag, but I LOVED it.

Anyway, it really is a miracle that so far I have only obtained FOUR baby bags, and let me tell you, I had to restrain myself from purchasing the 5th yesterday.  So are you dying to know what I have?  If not, stop reading.  If so, let me share...

First up I registered for this Skip Hop Duo bag based off reviews and figured it wasn't too girly for the husband (he still thinks it is pretty girly, but he has gotten over that):
I love the idea of this bag, and I think I will really enjoy it someday.  Right now, honestly, it is just TOO SMALL for me.  I feel like I am constantly cramming so much in there and it just doesn't all fit.  It does have a lot of fun pockets though and I haven't given up on it yet.
  
Next up is one I love, but also found it to be a little small - Vera Bradley Messenger Baby Bag in Canyon...

I LOVE this print - possibly my all time favorite pattern from Vera so far.  However, I used this a lot and still found stuff to be overflowing a bit.  Maybe I just put too much in my bags, but you never know what you might need!  Again, it will definitely get used again especially once my over-preparedness of being a FTM wears off (FTM is First Time Mom for those of you not in know).


So I happen to adore Kate Spade and love their baby bags, but I just can't quite pull the trigger on one due to the cost.  However, this Bon Shopper was on sale ($48, holla) so I snapped it up.  I haven't actually used it yet due to my pre-determination that it will still be too small, but it may surprise me.  Again, it will be used somewhere in my life.

So what do I use, well this Lina Jake bag is my current one.  I actually really love it (which is why I stopped myself from getting a new one yesterday).  It was on sale a few weeks ago on Zulily (which I am also addicted to) so I decided to take a chance on it.  It looked roomy and it is!  Plus, it has a zipper top so I can secure everything after I sit on it to cram it in there.  Yes, I am sure I take too much, but I just can't let go yet of everything I saw on some random diaper bag checklist when I was pregnant.  
It is a nice thick canvas with lots of interior pockets and two exterior pockets and leather handles.  So this one will probably be used for a while so it better hold up.

Just for kicks, here is the one I contemplated yesterday. I still like it (it was on sale for $34 so it caught my attention) but now comparing it to my others, I realize that I like all four of my others better so I'm glad I didn't make this purchase (it is a J Lizzy bag for your info).  It got mixed reviews on Amazon anyway (although it was still positive).


I also really like Mia Bossi baby bags as well, but again, they are quite pricey so unless I find a good used one, probably won't happen either.

Okay, so there you go - still baby related but with a little fashion in there for you (diaper bags are fashion right?  please tell me yes because I foresee more in my future - I am only human)  Actually, I hope to stop buying excess of things because I don't need excess and stuff can just weigh you down, but that is a topic for another day.

So, just out of curiosity, what bag do you carry?


2.19.2014

Conversation #198: The Judger has become the Judged

Hello?  Is this thing on?  Anyone out there?

Probably not.  Let's be honest...you all probably thought I died or something.  Okay, I might be being a bit dramatic, but I really fell off this blogging thing.  I actually had really decided to just quit for now.  I was/am cool with that because when I started blogging I had a lot more free time, but then I realized today that I was needing an outlet for thoughts.  There is only so much you can/should post of Facebook before it looks like you are trying to get pity and since I maybe have 1.5 readers left you can easily ignore my ramblings if you so choose.

Guilt.  Oh the ways that feeling encompasses so much of my life these days as a mother.  It is horrible, not what God wants for me, yet I just can't seem to shake it.  Let me just say - motherhood is hard.  Would I change it?  No way.  Do I feel overwhelmed, exhausted and inadequate most days?  Yep.

I think this is just normal when you have a new baby, but I feel like I am under performing in about every area of my life.  And let's not even talk about the comparison world of motherhood.  Oh wait, actually I want to.  See I used to judge moms and parenting choices before I became one.  All I can say -SORRY.  I am so sorry to everyone that I tried to give advice to or had a judgmental thought about you because honestly, you do what you have to get by.  I get it now.

I also feel isolated.  Is that normal?  Maybe it is because so many of my friends (especially mom friends) don't work.  Yes, being a SAHM is a job.  But it isn't the same kind of work as a mom who has to leave the house everyday.  I had maternity leave and at that point I was sure I would never make it as a SAHM.  It was hard. I think it is hard job, but now that I am almost 4 months into being back at work, I have decided this is really hard too.  There is that guilt thing again - I miss my little boy something fierce when I have to say good-bye in the morning.  I know he is well cared for during the day so that helps.    However, I can't nap when he naps during the day, and I don't get to do fun things with him.  I feel like during the work week  I barely get to see him, other than during the wee hours of the night, and therefore I am exhausted.  I feel like I have nothing left for the husband, friends, or myself.  Again, I know this is all worth it.  I just feel alone.

I see Facebook photos of friends doing fun things together with their babies during the day, and I guess most of them don't want to do weekend things because that is time with Dad.  I get that, but it makes me sad.  We also waited until later than a lot of our friends to have kids and now I feel like we were left behind.  I thought when our baby was finally born maybe we would be welcomed back into that world, but not really.  I guess our kids had to be the same age or something.  My support group/Bible study started meeting on Friday mornings.  It worked better for everyone else, but I miss it so much.  I know I need to make an effort to reach out to friends if I want to see them, but I am just so exhausted between work, the lack of sleep, and trying to keep our house clean enough to not be condemned by the local authorities.

Okay, now you can slap me for complaining because here is what I know:  God is good/great/enough - HE is all I need.  HE gave me an amazing husband that has been so supportive through life and loves me even at my worse.  HE gave me an incredible baby that just lights up my world, and I know there are so many out there longing for one of their own.  These are the days when I need to cling to God harder because I am weak and about to break on my own, but He is sufficient.  He is enough.  He will uphold me.

God I need you today, this hour, this minute.  I am weak.  Thank you for this: