7.17.2015

Conversation #203: So I married my mom

I don't know if people say this to men, but I heard a lot while growing up that girls tend to marry someone like their dad (I guess good, bad, or ugly).  I don't know how true that really is, but relatively early on in our marriage, my husband and I realized I married my mom.

This doesn't mean my husband is feminine or my mother masculine, but to say that they seem to be the same person.  I am definitely more like my dad personality wise so it probably make sense that I married someone more like my mom.  Now I will say my mom, being an actual woman, generally makes her a bit more empathetic and understanding to the eccentricities of being a woman.  I don't think any man, my husband or otherwise, will ever be able to understand the intricacies of being a woman. However, I also feel like he can talk to my mom, and being that they have both lived with me and seem to speak the same language,  can benefit from her wisdom and knowledge of co-habitating with me and enlighten him better on the ways of women, specifically me :)

One of the biggest things both of these special people have contributed to my life is that they love me unconditionally.  My mom loved me through some tough times when I struggled daily (really every minute) and asked some tough questions.  My mom's love and grace, and I'm sure her trust in the Lord, saw me through some dark times (that I may eventually share...I feel like God is working on my heart a bit).  My husband, likewise, has done the same.  I know I have tried over and over in our marriage (even before being married) to destroy our relationship with hurtful words and actions (well allowed Satan and my flesh to win) and his grace and trust in the Lord has kept him around too; I honestly don't know why sometimes.  You see, none of us is perfect, I'm not saying they are, but I am so glad they allow God/the Holy Spirit to indwell in them so they offer His fruits to me.  My daily prayer is that I do that for them and others.  I am glad to have them in my life.

Oh, and one last funny comment on the similarities of my husband and mother...I am currently 23 (almost 24 weeks pregnant) and my parents were here last week to help watch our toddler while his daycare provider was on vacation.  One day in particular I looked in the mirror and told my mom I felt huge, and instead of saying something like "oh you look great, your not that big" she said, "well you are kind big for this stage."  Oh I love my mom and know she didn't mean anything mean, but my husband said something similar a few weeks ago because yes, he hasn't learned yet!

Anyway, did you marry your dad, mom, sibling?  Tell me!

6.29.2015

Conversation #202: Hello or Goodbye?

I feel like I am at a crossroads with blogging.  Honestly, I have been there for a few months now.  I started blogging back when my husband was in law school, and I had a lot of free time on my hands.  Funny how it didn't seem like it back then, but don't our post-children selves always laugh at our pre-children selves that thought we were beyond busy and pressed for time?

I was looking through Bloglovin today trying to organize all of my saved posts and decided to click on the analytics tab.  I have 10 followers.  I can't believe I even have that many, and who knows if they are even active blog readers in general anymore.  From there, I clicked onto my actual blog, that has sat dormant for over a year.  To be more specific, almost 16 months.  I started reading some of the most recent posts and kind of remembered how much I actually did enjoy blogging.  I think, just for the outlet to write and get out thoughts in my head, not so much intending for others to read it and be inspired.  When I started doing it for that, it wasn't fun anymore because I knew I couldn't measure up.

I love a good DIY project and fashion is more fun to me than it should be.  I think my kid is adorable (and have another on the way), but I am no parenting pro.  As much as I love to peruse Pinterest and "pin" things, it also makes me feel equal parts bad and anxious because I have little time to do much beyond surviving.  That in of itself makes me feel bad.  People in the world struggle with "real" stuff.  I struggle to take care of my one child, self, husband, job, and house.  How on earth am I going to care for two kiddos?  I feel exhausted and behind ALL OF THE TIME. Why can't I get my stuff together?

I really hoped to gain friendships from blogging because I seem to lack that skill in my real life.  I guess it was easier to be real through blogging first ,but then it really doesn't satisfy that desire to sit on the couch and talk while our kids play. I mean, I have "friends," acquaintances, but I have always craved having that person, couple, group who knows me best ala the show Friends, but heck, even they went their different ways in the end.  Perhaps I struggle with endings.  I had an awesome group of girlfriends through most of high school, and although I would still jump at the chance to see them, our lives have us scattered across the US, in different stages with paths that rarely cross.  I could also call them more often, but I generally assume I am bothering people other than my mom and sisters who I probably call too much anyway.  I don't know why I feel this way, but I do.

Anyway, I am thinking about blogging again just as an outlet.  Seems like a better place than Facebook, because there it is kind of forced upon people.  Here, if you care, you can read, if not, I still got to get it out.  No harm, no foul I hope.

I have no idea how often or what will come out.  I know blogs of mostly words probably don't appeal to too many, but sometimes I just don't think pictures fit.  I already have full-time jobs (motherhood, wife, oh and the one that actually pays me, engineer) so I am not looking for blogging to become my income or gain me instant fame.  I just feel like I have so many conversations with myself or possibly my husband, that it might feel nice to share it elsewhere until I have that awesome friend that wants to come sit in my messy house in her jeans and t-shirt while our kids destroy the perceived order and peace.  If that is you, let me know and you are more than welcomed to come right over :)

Otherwise, welcome back to my conversations, however one-sided they are.  My family always told me I didn't really need someone else on the other side to talk back, but it would be nice sometimes, too.