Conversation #203: So I married my mom

I don't know if people say this to men, but I heard a lot while growing up that girls tend to marry someone like their dad (I guess good, bad, or ugly).  I don't know how true that really is, but relatively early on in our marriage, my husband and I realized I married my mom.

This doesn't mean my husband is feminine or my mother masculine, but to say that they seem to be the same person.  I am definitely more like my dad personality wise so it probably make sense that I married someone more like my mom.  Now I will say my mom, being an actual woman, generally makes her a bit more empathetic and understanding to the eccentricities of being a woman.  I don't think any man, my husband or otherwise, will ever be able to understand the intricacies of being a woman. However, I also feel like he can talk to my mom, and being that they have both lived with me and seem to speak the same language,  can benefit from her wisdom and knowledge of co-habitating with me and enlighten him better on the ways of women, specifically me :)

One of the biggest things both of these special people have contributed to my life is that they love me unconditionally.  My mom loved me through some tough times when I struggled daily (really every minute) and asked some tough questions.  My mom's love and grace, and I'm sure her trust in the Lord, saw me through some dark times (that I may eventually share...I feel like God is working on my heart a bit).  My husband, likewise, has done the same.  I know I have tried over and over in our marriage (even before being married) to destroy our relationship with hurtful words and actions (well allowed Satan and my flesh to win) and his grace and trust in the Lord has kept him around too; I honestly don't know why sometimes.  You see, none of us is perfect, I'm not saying they are, but I am so glad they allow God/the Holy Spirit to indwell in them so they offer His fruits to me.  My daily prayer is that I do that for them and others.  I am glad to have them in my life.

Oh, and one last funny comment on the similarities of my husband and mother...I am currently 23 (almost 24 weeks pregnant) and my parents were here last week to help watch our toddler while his daycare provider was on vacation.  One day in particular I looked in the mirror and told my mom I felt huge, and instead of saying something like "oh you look great, your not that big" she said, "well you are kind big for this stage."  Oh I love my mom and know she didn't mean anything mean, but my husband said something similar a few weeks ago because yes, he hasn't learned yet!

Anyway, did you marry your dad, mom, sibling?  Tell me!


Conversation #202: Hello or Goodbye?

I feel like I am at a crossroads with blogging.  Honestly, I have been there for a few months now.  I started blogging back when my husband was in law school, and I had a lot of free time on my hands.  Funny how it didn't seem like it back then, but don't our post-children selves always laugh at our pre-children selves that thought we were beyond busy and pressed for time?

I was looking through Bloglovin today trying to organize all of my saved posts and decided to click on the analytics tab.  I have 10 followers.  I can't believe I even have that many, and who knows if they are even active blog readers in general anymore.  From there, I clicked onto my actual blog, that has sat dormant for over a year.  To be more specific, almost 16 months.  I started reading some of the most recent posts and kind of remembered how much I actually did enjoy blogging.  I think, just for the outlet to write and get out thoughts in my head, not so much intending for others to read it and be inspired.  When I started doing it for that, it wasn't fun anymore because I knew I couldn't measure up.

I love a good DIY project and fashion is more fun to me than it should be.  I think my kid is adorable (and have another on the way), but I am no parenting pro.  As much as I love to peruse Pinterest and "pin" things, it also makes me feel equal parts bad and anxious because I have little time to do much beyond surviving.  That in of itself makes me feel bad.  People in the world struggle with "real" stuff.  I struggle to take care of my one child, self, husband, job, and house.  How on earth am I going to care for two kiddos?  I feel exhausted and behind ALL OF THE TIME. Why can't I get my stuff together?

I really hoped to gain friendships from blogging because I seem to lack that skill in my real life.  I guess it was easier to be real through blogging first ,but then it really doesn't satisfy that desire to sit on the couch and talk while our kids play. I mean, I have "friends," acquaintances, but I have always craved having that person, couple, group who knows me best ala the show Friends, but heck, even they went their different ways in the end.  Perhaps I struggle with endings.  I had an awesome group of girlfriends through most of high school, and although I would still jump at the chance to see them, our lives have us scattered across the US, in different stages with paths that rarely cross.  I could also call them more often, but I generally assume I am bothering people other than my mom and sisters who I probably call too much anyway.  I don't know why I feel this way, but I do.

Anyway, I am thinking about blogging again just as an outlet.  Seems like a better place than Facebook, because there it is kind of forced upon people.  Here, if you care, you can read, if not, I still got to get it out.  No harm, no foul I hope.

I have no idea how often or what will come out.  I know blogs of mostly words probably don't appeal to too many, but sometimes I just don't think pictures fit.  I already have full-time jobs (motherhood, wife, oh and the one that actually pays me, engineer) so I am not looking for blogging to become my income or gain me instant fame.  I just feel like I have so many conversations with myself or possibly my husband, that it might feel nice to share it elsewhere until I have that awesome friend that wants to come sit in my messy house in her jeans and t-shirt while our kids destroy the perceived order and peace.  If that is you, let me know and you are more than welcomed to come right over :)

Otherwise, welcome back to my conversations, however one-sided they are.  My family always told me I didn't really need someone else on the other side to talk back, but it would be nice sometimes, too.


Conversation #201: Fit for an "it"

I always knew that I would want to find out the gender of my babies before they were born - that is just my jam.  Mostly I wanted to find out because I know my weird self and if I bonded with said baby for nine months thinking "it" was a boy and then instead "it" was a she, I knew it would mess with my mind.  Now having actually been pregnant, maybe that wouldn't be the case because I clearly didn't know Dean was a boy until 20 weeks, but I also loved being able to talk to him the rest of the pregnancy and call him by his name.

All of that to say, I always thought I would want to create and elaborate, gender specific nursery, until we renovated two houses and I painted more walls than I care to remember.  So one night before we knew Dean was a Dean, I was laying in bed and made the declaration that our nursery would be fairly gender neutral.  We knew we would always want to use that room for the nursery because it is across the hall from our room and the smallest bedroom, and I just realized that I had no desire to re-paint it between each child (if God decides to entrust us with more) so I wanted the main items to be neutral.  Therefore, the walls became a nice warm khaki color, the trim is white, and the other "base" color was decided to be navy (because I heart me some navy) and I feel like I can throw almost any accent color with those two bases for boy or girl to slightly change it up with each child.  I decided the curtains, ottoman, and table cloth needed to be in the base colors, but the mobile, crib skirt and wall art could change from baby to baby.  So after looking at tons of fabric I decided on a giraffe print for our little Dean and the accent color to be a golden yellow.  I just wanted something warm and cozy for our little nursery and I think it worked out perfectly.  Could it be more pinterest worthy or Better Homes & Gardens ready - sure.  But it works for our little boy, and I can't wait to continue to spend more time in there playing as he grows versus just sleeping, nursing, and changing :)

Here was my mood board so to speak:

Here is what ended up happening in reality (we have an old house with normal ceiling heights and smaller openings so it makes taking pictures of whole rooms a bit of a challenge, FYI).

This first picture is taken from the door to give you an idea of what the whole make-up of the room is.  I did make the curtains, the crib skirt, the table cloth, the letters over the crib, the giraffe painting, the mobile, painted the cubes and recovered the ottoman a while ago so then I ran out of steam to make it more perfect, but I should stop apologizing because I still love it.

Another shot from the doorway:

 Our rocking chair and nursing nook (I started out with a wooden rocker that I love, but it was not the most comfortable for middle of the night nursing, which we are still doing so I found this slipcovered pottery barn like rocker on Craigslist for $95 and I LOVE it.  I think it is for sale at Sears and Walmart still.  Anyway, I was able to still buy a new slipcover to keep for the future if the current one gets too worn.)  I am a lover of tradition and family so the two pieces of art on the left are from my nursery growing up and the upper right is a custom made sign from the husband's mother - a song she used to sing to him when he was a baby.  Also, my mom made the quilt hanging on the chair and the lamp was my grandmother's. 

Our little bookshelf/cubbies (I originally wanted to have more but realized that might have been too overwhelming for our short ceilings): 

The changing station and dresser (just an old tiger maple dresser we found on Craigslist).  I hung photos of family above it so he can see everyone who loves him everyday because sadly we don't all live in the same town:

Lastly, this is the little mobile I made.  I had ideas for something grander and more creative, but this is where I ended.  I love the balls and the fact that they just kind of float there, but I think I thought I would have something more creative there in the beginning.  However, I didn't really want to drill into the ceiling so the scale shrunk significantly - I still like it though :)


Conversation #200: It should be something big, but...

Our 200th conversation!!!

That is all the fanfare you get.  It should be something big, but today is a rough one.  I am beyond sleep deprived and although I originally was going to try and write something witty about how sleep deprived I am, and that my baby doesn't sleep, blah, blah, blah - I would probably just get too whiny.  Luckily, I went back and re-read something I wrote just a few days ago and need to re-post it for myself:

Okay, now you can slap me for complaining because here is what I know:  God is good/great/enough - HE is all I need.  HE gave me an amazing husband that has been so supportive through life and loves me even at my worse.  HE gave me an incredible baby that just lights up my world, and I know there are so many out there longing for one of their own.  These are the days when I need to cling to God harder because I am weak and about to break on my own, but He is sufficient.  He is enough.  He will uphold me.

God I need you today, this hour, this minute.  I am weak.  Thank you for this:

Today I broke - I broke all over my poor husband and wasn't the best in front of the little one. I broke at work and my emotions are so raw right now that I am about to break all over this keyboard.  So instead of wallowing and feeling sorry for myself I am going to keep reading what I realized the other day and also this because it hit me hard right where I was this last weekend:

I will try to be sunnier tomorrow :)


Conversation #199: It's in the bag

So I don't want this blog to solely be all about baby, but let's be honest, that is pretty much my life right now (unless you want to hear about the super exciting and glamorous life of a city transportation engineer...yeah I heard the that pin drop, too).

Anyway, I will still try to share at least about other things in my life than just inundate you with amazing pictures of my adorable son:
Yeah, that's him exploring the ever popular metal mixing bowl :)

Okay, was it really so bad that I subjected you to a cute picture of baby?

Now onto the meat of this post...baby bags.  Some of you may know and/or remember that I have a weakness for purses.  I have had since probably the day I was born.  My grandparents used to take us Easter dress shopping every year when we were little, and I can remember two years in particular all I wanted was a purse.  I also remember a shopping trip to a mall in Oklahoma City (because that was big time shopping back in the day for me) when I spotted a bag across the way that I just had to have.  The funny part - I was probably 8/9/10 and this was a total "mom" bag, but I LOVED it.

Anyway, it really is a miracle that so far I have only obtained FOUR baby bags, and let me tell you, I had to restrain myself from purchasing the 5th yesterday.  So are you dying to know what I have?  If not, stop reading.  If so, let me share...

First up I registered for this Skip Hop Duo bag based off reviews and figured it wasn't too girly for the husband (he still thinks it is pretty girly, but he has gotten over that):
I love the idea of this bag, and I think I will really enjoy it someday.  Right now, honestly, it is just TOO SMALL for me.  I feel like I am constantly cramming so much in there and it just doesn't all fit.  It does have a lot of fun pockets though and I haven't given up on it yet.
Next up is one I love, but also found it to be a little small - Vera Bradley Messenger Baby Bag in Canyon...

I LOVE this print - possibly my all time favorite pattern from Vera so far.  However, I used this a lot and still found stuff to be overflowing a bit.  Maybe I just put too much in my bags, but you never know what you might need!  Again, it will definitely get used again especially once my over-preparedness of being a FTM wears off (FTM is First Time Mom for those of you not in know).

So I happen to adore Kate Spade and love their baby bags, but I just can't quite pull the trigger on one due to the cost.  However, this Bon Shopper was on sale ($48, holla) so I snapped it up.  I haven't actually used it yet due to my pre-determination that it will still be too small, but it may surprise me.  Again, it will be used somewhere in my life.

So what do I use, well this Lina Jake bag is my current one.  I actually really love it (which is why I stopped myself from getting a new one yesterday).  It was on sale a few weeks ago on Zulily (which I am also addicted to) so I decided to take a chance on it.  It looked roomy and it is!  Plus, it has a zipper top so I can secure everything after I sit on it to cram it in there.  Yes, I am sure I take too much, but I just can't let go yet of everything I saw on some random diaper bag checklist when I was pregnant.  
It is a nice thick canvas with lots of interior pockets and two exterior pockets and leather handles.  So this one will probably be used for a while so it better hold up.

Just for kicks, here is the one I contemplated yesterday. I still like it (it was on sale for $34 so it caught my attention) but now comparing it to my others, I realize that I like all four of my others better so I'm glad I didn't make this purchase (it is a J Lizzy bag for your info).  It got mixed reviews on Amazon anyway (although it was still positive).

I also really like Mia Bossi baby bags as well, but again, they are quite pricey so unless I find a good used one, probably won't happen either.

Okay, so there you go - still baby related but with a little fashion in there for you (diaper bags are fashion right?  please tell me yes because I foresee more in my future - I am only human)  Actually, I hope to stop buying excess of things because I don't need excess and stuff can just weigh you down, but that is a topic for another day.

So, just out of curiosity, what bag do you carry?


Conversation #198: The Judger has become the Judged

Hello?  Is this thing on?  Anyone out there?

Probably not.  Let's be honest...you all probably thought I died or something.  Okay, I might be being a bit dramatic, but I really fell off this blogging thing.  I actually had really decided to just quit for now.  I was/am cool with that because when I started blogging I had a lot more free time, but then I realized today that I was needing an outlet for thoughts.  There is only so much you can/should post of Facebook before it looks like you are trying to get pity and since I maybe have 1.5 readers left you can easily ignore my ramblings if you so choose.

Guilt.  Oh the ways that feeling encompasses so much of my life these days as a mother.  It is horrible, not what God wants for me, yet I just can't seem to shake it.  Let me just say - motherhood is hard.  Would I change it?  No way.  Do I feel overwhelmed, exhausted and inadequate most days?  Yep.

I think this is just normal when you have a new baby, but I feel like I am under performing in about every area of my life.  And let's not even talk about the comparison world of motherhood.  Oh wait, actually I want to.  See I used to judge moms and parenting choices before I became one.  All I can say -SORRY.  I am so sorry to everyone that I tried to give advice to or had a judgmental thought about you because honestly, you do what you have to get by.  I get it now.

I also feel isolated.  Is that normal?  Maybe it is because so many of my friends (especially mom friends) don't work.  Yes, being a SAHM is a job.  But it isn't the same kind of work as a mom who has to leave the house everyday.  I had maternity leave and at that point I was sure I would never make it as a SAHM.  It was hard. I think it is hard job, but now that I am almost 4 months into being back at work, I have decided this is really hard too.  There is that guilt thing again - I miss my little boy something fierce when I have to say good-bye in the morning.  I know he is well cared for during the day so that helps.    However, I can't nap when he naps during the day, and I don't get to do fun things with him.  I feel like during the work week  I barely get to see him, other than during the wee hours of the night, and therefore I am exhausted.  I feel like I have nothing left for the husband, friends, or myself.  Again, I know this is all worth it.  I just feel alone.

I see Facebook photos of friends doing fun things together with their babies during the day, and I guess most of them don't want to do weekend things because that is time with Dad.  I get that, but it makes me sad.  We also waited until later than a lot of our friends to have kids and now I feel like we were left behind.  I thought when our baby was finally born maybe we would be welcomed back into that world, but not really.  I guess our kids had to be the same age or something.  My support group/Bible study started meeting on Friday mornings.  It worked better for everyone else, but I miss it so much.  I know I need to make an effort to reach out to friends if I want to see them, but I am just so exhausted between work, the lack of sleep, and trying to keep our house clean enough to not be condemned by the local authorities.

Okay, now you can slap me for complaining because here is what I know:  God is good/great/enough - HE is all I need.  HE gave me an amazing husband that has been so supportive through life and loves me even at my worse.  HE gave me an incredible baby that just lights up my world, and I know there are so many out there longing for one of their own.  These are the days when I need to cling to God harder because I am weak and about to break on my own, but He is sufficient.  He is enough.  He will uphold me.

God I need you today, this hour, this minute.  I am weak.  Thank you for this:


Conversation #197: No longer just a wife, but also a mother

So I didn’t mean to quit blogging for so long, but during the last weeks of pregnancy life seemed to be on fast forward.  Not only were we in full on nesting mode trying to get the house renos mostly done, but I was also busy trying to get work things taken care of as well.  Plus, I was hot and tired so blogging was not a priority.
However, our sweet boy is now already 4 weeks old, and I want to record his birth story so I don’t forget.  I am not sure if this will get long, but bear with me if you want to know how it all went down.
A couple of months ago the hubby and I took our childbirth classes.  Before going to the class, we were both pretty certain I would be getting an epidural.  I didn’t want a c-section, but no way did I think I could handle the pain.  Well during the class we did a relaxation time and I just focused on Jesus.  It was during this time and the remainder of the class (learning about all of the birth options) that I felt God leading me to a natural childbirth.  Well, He was doing the same for hubby so we set forward on that path. 
I am not morally opposed to epidurals, pain drugs, or c-sections.  I just knew it wasn’t what I wanted, and I really didn’t want to be induced.  Anyway, we ordered a couple of books and got to work preparing for a natural birth.  The main book I would recommend is Natural Childbirth the Bradley Method Revised Edition by Susan McCutcheon.  It gave great concrete techniques on how to cope with labor and also explained what would happen along each stage.  We also read Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth, which had helpful tips, but less on the techniques.
So we moved closer and closer to my due date and knew our babe was probably a good size (they were estimating 8 to 8.5 lbs).  I was terrified I would have to be induced and that a natural birth would become close to impossible.  We (hubby and I and family) all thought baby boy would come labor day weekend so after trying everything we could to naturally induce, we were pretty disappointed when he didn’t come.  My doctor was on call all weekend and I was already at 4cm and 90% effaced so that is why we were sure I would go into labor (plus my doc had stripped my membranes at my last appointment on the Thursday before Memorial Day weekened. Anyway, he didn’t come so back to work on Tuesday.
I had had some mild contractions here and there, but nothing serious.  Well around 3:30 PM while sitting at my desk, things started to feel weird.  I was pretty sure I was in labor, but didn’t know for sure so I tried walking around a bit at work.  However, the contractions never eased and I called my hubby and doctor sis to chat it over with each of them.  I decided that this felt real and I needed to go home so I told my boss that hopefully I wouldn’t be back the next day and home I went.
Hubby was going to come home so we could start laboring.  He was a little late, but I’ll forgive him :)  I actually started to panic because initially the contractions seemed stronger and more intense than I expected them to feel because I just hadn’t felt anything most of the day to that point.  Plus, I felt them a lot in my back and in my front so it was just hard to really gauge what was going on with my body. 
Okay, so hubby got home about 5 and we got down to business.  Since we wanted a natural childbirth, our plan was to labor at home as long as possible so we wouldn’t be tempted into anything at the hospital or pressured by hospital staff to get an epidural/c-section if things weren’t progressing as quickly as they thought they should (more on that later).  Also, we were both insistent upon having the birth at a hospital versus birthing center.  We knew that if something did go wrong, we wanted to be where they could immediately care for us, but we quickly realized we were an anomaly for having a “natural” childbirth at a hospital. 
Okay, back to labor, we spent the next few hours moving between the shower and the bedroom and drinking water, gatorade, and eating popsicles.  We had bought easily digestible food to munch on since we knew we couldn’t eat once at the hospital, but nothing sounded good to me while laboring.  In fact, thankfully my body had emptied itself during early labor at home so I didn’t have to worry about pooping during pushing (well I was pretty sure I wouldn’t and I didn’t!)  In fact, I didn’t even want to sit or lay down.  I knew my feet would probably hurt by the end, but I found it most comfortable to stand in a warm shower or sway back and forth with a heating pad on my back.  Thankfully at some point the contractions in front and back began to coincide so I had some break.  Really, I can’t even remember what it felt like at this point.  I knew it wouldn’t be a sharp pain but a working “laboring” pain of contracting muscles, and I guess that is the best way to describe it.
Finally, around 10:45 PM, we decided to call the doc so we could head to the hospital.  My doc wasn’t on-call so we talked to a different one in the practice and I know she wasn’t sure at first about having us come in.  However, my doc knew once I started laboring it wouldn’t be long and we finally convinced the on-call doc of that when I told her I was 4 cm and 90% effaced 6 days previous.  She told us to go in and we began loading up the car.  I started to worry about the ride (the hospital wasn’t far) but I was really coping with the heating pad and didn’t know how I would do in the car.  Well, genius hubby turned on the seat heater for me and it was perfect!  I remember saying at one point that showers were the best invention ever and then heated seats so I didn’t need much while in labor :)
We got to the hospital between 11:15 PM and 11:30 PM.  They direct admitted me and got me to our room.  They asked if I had progressed at all so I told them again about the 4cm, etc.  They said “OK, let’s check you now.”  I climbed into bed and we learned that I was between 7.5 and 8 cm!  We were ready to go.  I should have gotten out of bed at this point, but I thought I was supposed to stay in it so I think I slowed the labor down.  Finally, I knew I needed to stand, and this was when modesty went out the window.  My water was leaking, but it was preventing me from fully dilating so we needed to get it out of the way.  Well, standing next to the bed with nothing but a hospital gown on (and only tied at the top), I began laboring again, and the water started gushing and gushing and gushing.  It seemed like so much.  My L&D nurse, Patrice (who was awesome) kept checking me, but I seemed stalled at 9.5 cm forever and I already wanted to push so bad.  The pressure felt so weird and I wanted him out.  Finally the rest of the water moved out and I was complete.  Time to push!
Now this is the one part I was not prepared for at all.  I knew I would probably have to push more than three times or so, but I did not think I would have to push for almost two and half hours.  It was hard and exhausting.  Also, my contractions were 4 minutes apart, which was weird.  It gave me nice long breaks, but it also meant we had to wait forever to push again and 4 minutes seems like eternity when you want to meet your baby. Our nurse was just so awesome though.  I had prayed that we would have one either familiar with natural birth methods or at least one that wouldn’t be pushy with meds.  She was perfect.  She was supportive and encouraged me right along side Isaac, and I think was pretty amazed at my demeanor.  It was ALL God.  He walked me through it all, and I knew He would.  He was the one who told me to do this after all.
I made it to station 3+ (you have to get to 5+ and that is the baby’s head coming out I guess), and the doc came in and said she could help me with the vacuum if I wanted.  I decided to try a few more pushes, but I finally gave in.  I needed him out and I just didn’t have much energy left.  Once I said “help” the room transformed for delivery and I couldn’t wait to meet our son.
It was time to push with the vacuum, and it felt so weird and painful, but I think in a good way.  I just needed him out so I pushed as hard as I could, and finally his huge head emerged.  Then they told me to stop pushing so they could suction him, and that was horrible because I just NEEDED to push some more to get him out like TODAY.  Finally, we got him all out and that was when we realized our teeny Dean baby was HUGE.  At 6:21 AM on September 4, 2013, our son, Dean William Shutt was born weighing in at 9 lbs 11 oz and 21.5” long.  Yep, I birthed an almost 10 pound baby with no drugs or anything.  I have no idea if I would have gotten his huge head out without the vacuum or not (which I hated to use), but it didn’t matter.  Dean was finally here, in my arms!
Now, the consequence of a huge baby and not your doctor: she gave me an episiotomy during the vacuum pushing and I ended up with a 4th degree tear, the worst kind.  So for the next 45 minutes or so they had to put all of my downtown bits back together with just a local.  I wouldn’t want to do that everyday, but I managed then we finally got time with our sweet baby boy.  It was surreal.  Honestly, it still kind of is.  I look at him and can’t believe he is mine.  I sit in the nursery nursing him at night and forget that this nursery is in my house and I’m holding my baby. 
I will be honest, the last 4 weeks have been HARD, like the hardest of my life.  However, we are getting over the hump and I love him so much – more each day if that is even possible.  Eventually I will try to get back and share more about the first few weeks of newborn life (because I had NO idea it would be THIS hard).  However, I had my post-partum appointment today, and thankfully all is healing well.  We have a healthy baby and a healthy mom and life will never be the same.
Also, this may be the most important part - Isaac was the best labor partner and coach ever!!! Seriously, I can't say enough how amazing he was (and has been after too).  He didn't sit, eat, rest, go to the bathroom, drink, or anything but help me while I was in labor.  He fanned me, massaged me, held the heat pad, encouraged me, calmed me, and cheered me on.  It was an active process the whole way - there was no down time while laboring, and he just stayed with me every step of the way.  It was awesome to experience it with him, and he couldn't have been better.  All I can say about him was/is WOW.  My hubby is awesome!!!
If you made it through the recount mostly meant for me, then BRAVO!  Here are pictures of the sweet boy to reward you :)
2013-09-05 14.46.30 2013-09-06 14.22.10 2013-09-06 15.56.51 2013-09-13 12.38.04 2013-09-15 20.12.53 2013-09-17 15.17.21 2013-09-23 09.04.35 2013-09-25 12.58.16 2013-09-28 10.32.53