Here is where I need your help. Please convince me to hold strong and not go back after work. I have so many better things to be doing at home, but I just love the bargain hunt so much. This is my vow to myself and you - I will not go back but instead go home and fold the laundry, vacuum the house, and start on my last roman shade. Hold me accountable!
Instead, I'm sad because I didn't get to go to Atlanta and meet all of these amazing women. I shouldn't be, and I'm so glad that they all had such wonderful fellowship together. Now I wouldn't have been able to go even if I wanted to, but I'm pretty sure my insecurity would have paralyzed me from going anyway.
This post could easily get too long and depressing so I'm going to try and avoid that. Instead I will try to share these brief thoughts. I used to be EXTREMELY insecure. I mean so bad I would literalluy ask my parents and friends multiple times a day if they loved/liked me - no exaggeration.
I have no idea how I came out of that other than through the love of God shown to me by mother. It was a long road, and I do still struggle during periods of my life. I think for some reason blogging is one of those areas. This is why I have struggled so much over the last few months with whether or not to keep blogging.
Okay, some clarification. I watch the blogs of my favorite readers grow and gorw while mine seemed stagnant. I read about them meeting each other and forming these amazing everlasting relationships, and I don't even hardly talk to the one blogging friend I did make (my bad, not hers!) I think I feel so insecure in myself (which I'm learning by reading the Atlanta accounts is very selfish) that I think I'm too afraid to meet people or don't even know how to do it. Also, most of the bloggers I read often don't exactly live close by anyway. Plus, I'm afraid people wouldn't like the real me even though I try to be "me" on this blog.
I think maybe I just need to start focusing on God and praying for direction with friendships and blogging and not worry so much. I guess I would ultimately rather have 10 really close blog friends and followers than hundreds I can't keep up with. I guess I just need to remember this isn't a popularity thing for anyone else so why I do worry about who likes me or not.
Man, I really wish I could have been in Atlanta to hear Beth - that is the part I need most, probably before I can even be a good friend. Tthanks for sticking through this crazy look into my overactive thought process.
(Picture from here)
So I have to set my relationship (well, I mean he doesn’t know I’m alive or anything) must have started back in high school. No, I wasn’t in high school in the 80’s. In fact, I didn’t start kindergarten until 1990. However, I used the ever popular Poison song “Every Rose Has It’s Thorn” as part of a huge junior English project. I get that song stuck in my head any time I think about that project.
I digress. Anywho, I haven’t thought much about Bret until recently because my husband and I thoroughly enjoy The Celebrity Apprentice. (Side note: I totally disagree with Rod Blag*ojevich and don’t really love him, but he was super entertaining on this show!) I have actually grown to like Bret a lot on the show, and his recent illness has caught my attention.
It just seems so weird to watch him on Sunday and see him seem so full of life, and then just BOOM! His life is forever changed. It scares me to think how instantly life can be gone or greatly affected. It truly is a precious gift from God. I do hope he has a full recovery, if for nothing else than his two young daughters.
I have to admit, I never thought I would be doing a blog post on Bret, but ya never know I guess. Life is short whether you live ‘till the ripe old age of 104 or it is tragically cut short much sooner. I guess the moral of the story is: love the Lord with you whole being and love your neighbor – all else doesn’t really matter.
I’m also using the blogging application on my new netbook to type this so I’m anxious to see how it works. I’m just so excited to have something that works better and won’t be a time suck because it takes so long to do everything. I’m super excited to be able to easily upload my pictures online to share with my family, and just be able to have stress free computing.
I’m very thankful to be able to use this new tool!
I was watching Fox & Friends yesterday, and heard Steve Doocy (the cool anchor from Kansas) talking to good ol' Chuck Schumer about this. Apparently Senator Schumer is under the impression that it is a right for us to be able to fly at some randomly determined standard I guess. Sure, I like to fly, and I like to fly for a good price. However, the market should be determining that price, not the government! The companies need to determine what they can afford and what their customers are willing to pay.
Each company can and should choose their own price structure, and then they have to determine if the market will respond accordingly. Really, I just can't believe that the government even for a nanosecond thought this should be their business. Seriously, where will it stop?!
Just this gal's opinion on our nanny-state inducing government
I think everyone I know has just had a baby, is going to have a baby, or wants to have a baby! Is there something wrong with me? I want children, with my whole heart. I really look forward to being a mom someday and more and more I hope to be able to stay home with my children. The thing is, I can wait right now. I don’t have baby fever. I feel too young. I’m only 25 – how could I possibly know how to care for a child yet; I can barely take care of my husband, dog, and me.
I guess what I’m wondering is should that itch be there? Should I be craving to be a mother? Does this mean my maternal instincts are off? I just feel like an older (and hopefully more mature and less selfish) version of me would make a better mother. Plus, the husband isn’t even out of law school yet!
I think about my future children: their looks, personality. In my dreams I love being pregnant (I hope that is true, but the labor part still terrifies me). I know I’ll love sewing little items for my children and creating wonderful nurseries, but all in time.
I know people say you’re never ready, but I disagree. Maybe you are never ready to actually be a parent because it is a tough and sometimes unforgiving job. However, you are ready to not be ready. I have friends and my sister who want to have a baby – see, they are ready. So I pray that someday God shows me that I’m ready to not be ready, and that He blesses us with little bundles of joy.
(P.S. I don’t think you are crazy if you are younger than me and have children. I am going to assume that you are way more put together than I and are an awesome parent!)
Tijuana, Mexico. That is the extent of my worldly travels. Pretty pathetic, huh? I know I need to explore the world and get outside of my bubble. I think it scares me to do because I will realize just how much I want that I don’t need. I also think it would be good for me.
You might be wondering what has brought about this train of thought. Last week, I had the chance to see one of my best friends from high school. She lives in Mexico right now teaching at a school there so I don’t get to see her often enough. She and her fiancé also recently went on trip to India, and they were talking about it at a church near my city. I was so excited to get to see her and hear about her experience.
We’re going to call my awesome friend K. So K and D (her fiancé) were part of a team made up of Mexican pastors and English translators. The Mexican church is growing and has realized that they are also told by God to go and make disciples so they planned this trip to India. However, they needed people who can translate their Mexican teachings into English so that an Indian minister could translate the English into Hindi or some other dialect. It was amazing to here the way they experienced God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit over there. They saw miracles happen and demons banished.
Sometimes I think in America we miss the miracles of God. I know I do. When talking with K after her presentation, we were trying to figure out why God chooses to reveal Himself more blatantly (for lack of better word) or even why Satan manifests himself in different ways in other places of the world. I don’t often encounter demon-possessed people or witness the instant growth of a limb that was too short. I believe it can happen and does happen, but maybe in America we try to explain it away as something else. Maybe it is also because we have been a Christian nation (and I believe we have been although, sadly, I do think that is changing). I really don’t know, and honestly, the Holy Spirit still confounds me.
One other thing they mentioned that made a lot of sense to me was that they think the doors in the world are closing for American missionaries. I think I agree. Due to the media and how America is viewed by other nations, I think it is very challenging for an American to form true, deep relations with non-believers in a different culture. I’m not saying it never happens anymore or can’t, but I do feel like I have heard more and more of people that were initially reached by American missionaries going over to other countries to spread the Gospel – the good news! I think that is just unbelievable – in a good way. Hearing these experiences just helps me remember that God is not just an American or only English-speaking, but He is above ALL of it. Doesn’t that just hit you? He finds a way to break the hearts of people and then restore them to new. That just gives me hope and peace in a chaotic world.
Anyhow, yesterday my job required me to dress up a bit more so I put on one of two suits I own. I guess someday I'll have a job that might require me to own more, but until then, this is what I got:
(I also just realized it looks like I have no right hand in this pic - my awesome photography skills at work in the office bathroom)
I like wearing a suit and all, but I struggle with what to wear under it. I don't love button down shirts for two reasons: ironing and gaping. Some would say I am blessed with a larger bust (I feel more cursed, but the grass is always greener...), and it is hard to find a button down that closes properly without being super baggy everywhere else. Anyone else have these problems? Anyone have any pointers of other options for under a suit? Okay, not that I really need any because as mentioned above, I don't wear suits ever really. I still like to hear your ideas.
I'm also trying to save my spending money these days so I probably won't run out and buy new suit underpinnings at this point. I definitely don't need anything. I did see a pair of LL Bean shoes I would like to have, but I want to wait and see if they go on sale. I'm also hoping to save up to get a basic laptop. I have always loved Macs, but I can't spend that much these days. I really just want a computer that doesn't give me the rainbow wheel every time I try to do something. My 7 year-old iMac just can't do it all anymore :( However, if I do get a new computer over the next few months, I just might blog more because it won't be such a chore!
Have a super weekend my lovely blog friends :)
"Backed by the full faith and credit of the United States Government"
This was on the FDIC sticker, and frankly, I just found it funny, ironic, and sad. You know, at some point that probably would have meant something to me, but now I just have very little faith in the US government and definitely zero faith in their credit unless things change soon! I know America can still prevail and be the great free nation it is, but it takes work from us, and that is exactly what I plan to do as the mid-terms elections draw nearer and nearer.
I do believe that America needs to remain a Christian nation. That doesn't mean we condemn or turn away those who are not Christians, that isn't what God calls us to do. However, it does mean we fight for the things that are in line with God's Word (the Bible), and our country has become so "politically correct" these days that seems harder and harder to do.
I'm praying for our country - are you?
Happy "late" Easter!