7.03.2012

Conversation #160: I don't even know where to start

Life has been moving so fast these days.  I keep thinking I'll blog, but then thought of trying to compile all of my thoughts just makes my head hurt so I don't. 

First, we are possibly moving and I have realized I hate selling a house.  It is stressful, emotional, and the unknown just makes me crazy.  Think this is God continuing to ask me to trust Him?  Probably.  I have decided if we move, that I need to find a house I can die in because I really don't want to go through this again. 

Due to the possibility of moving, we are tabling the children thing until we know which way we are going with a house.  Once we figure that out, who knows!

So that is what is going on in my head in my own little corner of the world, but it is the rest of the world that is really frightening to me lately.  I am trying to learn to give this to God - to give my fear to the One who can take it; who wants to take it.  I could easily let myself be terrified by our lack of support for Israel and seeming support of a possibly more oppressive ruler in Egypt.  I could fear what it will mean medically and financially to have a baby if Obamacare (ACA) remains.  I could really freak out over the control it seems our leaders want over my life and my choices.  I don't understand how people could say they want to be more like Europe, when those similar policies we are trying to enact in America are what has driven Europe to the state it is in today.  Honestly - sometimes I don't even know what to fear anymore. Anyone could find some statistic that they could manipulate to promote one thing or the other.  That frightens me.

So what do I do?  Like I  said, I am trying to remember to go to the One who comforts, protects, and can provides me with eternal security.  All of the above scares me, and I still have to face it in this life.  However, sometimes I feel like I can't do anything, but pray.  But then I realize that might be the only thing I should do sometimes, is pray.  I pray for God to be in control.  I pray for the leaders in our country to trust in Him.  I pray for God to continue to reveal Himself in dreams and visions to Muslims living in the Middle East (or anywhere for that fact).  I pray that I have no fear because of Him, and that I daily submit to Him and His will.  I still let myself get worried or anxious or scared or angry, but then I have to remember to drop to my knees (figuratively or literally) and give it to Him.  That is the only place I find peace.  Because I already know how it ends, and I know who wins.  If I focus on that every day, every minute, every second, whom then shall I fear?

1 comment:

Ashleigh said...

oh girl I hear ya! So hard to trust and not live in fear with such crazy conditions. I think all we can do is live by faith ya know? In the past, God has always saved a remnant. There's always been those who love Him that He spares. I think we need to love Him well without fearing the "what ifs". So hard to do!