Skip to main content

A Coversation about Insecurity

If you read any of the blogs I do, you will probably assume I'm about to share about my amazing weekend in Atlanta hearing Beth Moore speak.  Unfortunately you will not.  I guess I acould tell you about all of the yard work I did this weekend, but that really isn't too amazing.

Instead,  I'm sad because I didn't get to go to Atlanta and meet all of these amazing women. I shouldn't be, and I'm so glad that they all had such wonderful fellowship together.  Now I wouldn't have been able to go even if I wanted to, but I'm pretty sure my insecurity would have paralyzed me from going anyway.

This post could easily get too long and depressing so I'm going to try and avoid that.  Instead I will try to share these brief thoughts.  I used to be EXTREMELY insecure. I mean so bad I would literalluy ask my parents and friends multiple times a day if they loved/liked me - no exaggeration.

I have no idea how I came out of that other than through the love of God shown to me by mother.  It was a long road, and I do still struggle during periods of my life.  I think for some reason blogging is one of those areas.  This is why I have struggled so much over the last few months with whether or not to keep blogging.

Okay, some clarification.  I watch the blogs of my favorite readers grow and gorw while mine seemed stagnant. I read about them meeting each other and forming these amazing everlasting relationships, and I don't even hardly talk to the one blogging friend I did make (my bad, not hers!)  I think I feel so insecure in myself (which I'm learning by reading the Atlanta accounts is very selfish) that I think I'm too afraid to meet people or don't even know how to do it.  Also, most of the bloggers I read often don't exactly live close by anyway.  Plus, I'm afraid people wouldn't like the real me even though I try to be "me" on this blog.

I think maybe I just need to start focusing on God and praying for direction with friendships and blogging and not worry so much.  I guess I would ultimately rather have 10 really close blog friends and followers than hundreds I can't keep up with.  I guess I just need to remember this isn't a popularity thing for anyone else so why I do worry about who likes me or not.

Man, I really wish I could have been in Atlanta to hear Beth - that is the part I need most, probably before I can even be a good friend. Tthanks for sticking through this crazy look into my overactive thought process.

Comments

Across the Pond said…
Hey girl, I have felt the exact. same. way. with my blog. You are such a good writer on your blog and you should know that you are one of my favorite blogs to read even if there aren't always comments from me :)You are appreciated here in the blog universe!
Erin said…
I know just what you mean. I often find myself getting discouraged if no one comments on my blog, I don't get new followers, etc. I have to remind myself all the time that I started this blog to keep me busy for the few hours each morning when I can't really get anything work-related accomplished. That's it. It's not a popularity thing, and shouldn't stress me out. It's supposed to be for me. For fun. But it isn't always that easy.. boo.

But I agree with Across the Pond, you are appreciated!!

Popular posts from this blog

Conversation #114: Wardrobe Checklist (and retail detox update)

I read something a while back that sort of spurred me into thinking I needed to do this whole retail detox thing.  I'm just going to get it out there - it has been way hard for me and I'm super embarrassed and disappointed by that.  I did well for the first two weeks, and then I got into this buying and returning things habit because I felt bad after buying it.  I told myself that I could still buy things, but only with extra money I earned from ebay.  That worked for a while too, but then I caved to the Lands' End Canvas sale last weekend.  I bought three tees, a skirt, and a cardigan.  I think that all but maybe one tee will be going back and hopefully I can stop this extra shopping. 

Okay, back to the "thing" I read...

It was an article in Real Simple magazine targeted at helping you never buy the wrong thing again.  It has great tips in it, and the wardrobe checklist it includes really brought it all back home to me.  I started going through the checklist an…

Conversation #204: My Jesus...

Oh Facebook and social media of all kinds...we have a love hate/relationship.  Lately, these days, I feel it is more hate only because I allow myself to be depressed by things I see.  I recently told someone the other day that I had lost faith in humanity, and then it hit me, that is exactly where I should be.  We are a fallen people in a fallen world, and I should have NO faith in humanity.  Why did that take me 30 years to figure out?

So there has been a lot of political/social stuff swirling around, and division among Christians, and I hate it.  Like I said, I have no faith in humanity and realizing that was a good reminder it should ALL be in the Lord.  Even though there are definitely things going on in this world that reject the truth of the Gospel, Jesus, the thing that scares me the most these days is the phrase I alluded to in the title: "my Jesus wouldn't believe this" or "I can't follow a God that would say that" or "I just don't believe…

Conversation #205: About Me

Hello!

I have no idea how often I will escape to this place, but since I recently added this ol' blog address to my Instagram Profile, I thought maybe I should dust her off and welcome any new readers.

I have so many thoughts rolling around in my head CONSTANTLY that maybe this would be a good spot again to release them, and keep me from online shopping too much during my lunch break ;)  I hear a faint AMEN from my husband.

Anyway, the title of my blog may lead people to make snap judgments about me or my beliefs, which is unfortunate, but also the society we live in at the moment.  First, it created a sort of catchy blog name, and I liked it.  And, yes, I am a conservative, but that label has sooooo many different meanings depending on what media outlet you last listened to so I thought maybe I would use this post to re-introduce myself to old friends and share a bit about how I have grown in the last few years.

I am Christian, Jesus Follower, Believer, Daughter of the King - w…