Conversation #67: How do you nicely say...

"Please stop giving me your unsolicited advice!"

Has anyone else ever had that happen?  I'm sure you have, it seems to be very common for the pregnant ladies out there.

Here's what's going on:
A very nice lady at my church means well, I know that.  However, the last two Wednesday nights at Bible study she has told me how things I'm doing and my doctors prescribed are killing me.  We live in a large world full of many different people, and thus, opinions.  I sort of subscribe to the thought that I think you can find a study that proves almost anything you want.  One day you hear one saying coffee will kill you and the next day hear how a little a day is healthy.  My point is, I think you weigh the options and pick what works best for you.  (I don't apply that to my walk with God or the Bible - trust me, that is a post I'm working on for a whole other day).

A couple of weeks ago, I mentioned to a different friend at church that I had been struggling with my migraines.  That prompted like 3 other women to share their struggles with the same issue.  We talked about different medications they had tried, and then that was it.  Well, nice lady tells me at the end of class that she hates that I'm so young taking meds and that I should look into a gluten free diet because that cured her friend of migraines.  Now hear me, I know gluten intolerance is a real thing for some people.  However, for some reason, I feel like lately that has kind of been the trendy disorder to have.  Not that people who have it like it or anything or that it is fun.  I just kind of think people have decided that gluten intolerance is the cause of a lot of symptoms lately, and if my doctor feels like that is a road we need to go down, I'll listen to her.  I have had migraines for a long time, and it has never followed a gluten/non gluten pattern.  Also, the meds I'm taking are in very small dosages, and guess what?  I have been headache free for a week and half now.  That might not seem like much to some, but for me that is huge!  I thank God that He helped me find a solution.  My sister is a doctor, and I am a science oriented person.  I believe God created some people to advance modern medicine, and I feel like that can be an answer to prayers.  (Wow, this post is getting into areas I wasn't expecting it to)

Okay, secondly, if you have been reading for a while, you know that I have some major dental issues I'm working on.  Right now, I'm in a waiting period.  All of the little cavities from erosion have been fixed, and we are waiting for my teeth that need crowns to crack or for my husband's practice to take off; whichever happens first determines the schedule on fixing the teeth.  So here's how that applies to the nice lady at church.  Long story short, she gave me a piece of dark chocolate (the only kind I really like) with almonds in it last Wednesday night (a week ago), and I nibbled a bit but set it aside.  It was hard and I worry about cracking my teeth.  She kept saying how good I was to resist it so I explained my teeth issues and that I was using a special fluoride rinse to prevent further damage.  That was the end of that conversation.

Last night, she comes in and says how she thought about my teeth all last Wednesday night on her way home, and how fluoride is just poison and she just hates that I'm using it.  She said, "you're only 24, 25 (I said I was 26), and your taking fluoride and migraine pills.  I just want you to live until you're 80 not 30."  Who says that to someone unprovoked?  I mean I know she meant well, but who wants to hear that you think they are going to die in a few years based on your own opinions? 

I know there are people out there that don't believe in modern medicine, don't trust certain foods, etc.  A lot of those studies are inconclusive and show things on both sides of the argument.  If I'm asking for your opinion on something, please answer.  If I have talked with my doctor, dentist, etc. and feel that what I'm doing is working best for me, please don't tell me you think I'm going to die in a few years.  I don't know if I really explained myself very well in this post, but basically, I just don't really care for people continuing telling me that things I have decided to (based on a lot of thought) are wrong and hurting me.  If I'm smoking or drinking too much or doing something that is universally proven to be harmful, okay.  If I'm doing something that is questionably harmful in your opinion, let it lie until I ask.  I realize, that person may feel strongly about it, but it just makes me feel annoyed.

Alright, that is all.  I just needed to get it off my chest.  It was probably a lot of brain drivel above so come back later for a shorter more coherent post about something different :)


Stori said...

I have a dear friend like that who has made some comments concerning the labor and delivery of my daughter (Isla was a c-section baby after 30 hours, 10 cm dilated, and she wasn't budging! My friend had all 2 natural and 1 almost natural) and its a very sensitive subject for me to the point where even thinking about it makes me tear up; she also recommends all of these holistic treatments, she's anti-vaccination, etc.

Sometimes it bothers me, but I just smile sweetly and nod, and say I'll think about that because I know she is coming from a place of love and I try to steer the conversation away from that when I see it going there!

chelsey said...

I had the same thing happen with a friend when I told her I was starting to take birth control. She basically told me that I'm going to get breast cancer! Terrible. Thankfully another friend in the group - one who is actually a medical professional, was fervently shaking her head "no" the entire time this was happening.

The pushy friend is hard to argue with, so all I can let her to do is say her opinion, and then try to convince myself that she's wrong and my doctor is right.